A Wolf's Tale - Chapter 12: Hospital Secrets

It seemed like forever since I saw a room other than Dingo’s recovery room. I never left his side, other than to use the rest room. I was giving my food with Dingo’s, and I slept next to him, as I did before. They days started to blend into one, and I forgot about the world. He was getting better with many things, but he has yet to step on the ground with his new leg. “When he feels ready to walk again, then his should walk,” Doctor Vel told me. “But until then, he needs to let his body recognize that he has a new leg.”
I found myself longing for him to start moving again. I was told this was normal; it was heart wrenching to see your loved one crippled on a hospital bed. I felt myself gently nudging him at times, trying to help him start moving. “Sleet,” he would chuckle, “you are like a feisty mother to her lazy son, trying to get him to start working around the house.” I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. I felt as though it was true.
The strange thing was, even though I trusted Doctor Vel about him liking us together; I never once touched Dingo’s lips with my own. I felt unsafe doing so; that it might cause him discomfort or that Doctor Vel would find it uncomfortable to be in a room with us after that. The closest I would always get was a nice cuddle to his neck, and I would drift into sleep.
I felt horrible not helping Ivo babysit like I was meant to. Coconuts’ headaches were getting worse, and he was not always around because of it. It was Snively who would come in to get updates on how Dingo was doing, and if I needed company. He always seemed to offer to stay with me; that his Uncle wouldn’t mind him staying the night. I could have sworn he was blushing, each time he said hello to me.
I found myself following Snively one night, after Dingo had fallen asleep. His face grew a large blush as he turned to see me. “Sleet; what are you doing?”
I smiled, sitting down on a waiting chair, patting the one next to me for him to sit down. “I just wanted to thank-you for always coming in to see me when Ivo couldn’t.”
He sat down, and quickly looked down at his lap. “Oh…It’s my way of apologizing for taking Ivo away for so long. If it wasn’t for that, the boys would have never left the house.”
I gave him a nudge, which made him flinch. “It’s not your fault. Let’s not think of the part now, Snively. Dingo will be fine. Once he starts walking again, it’ll be as though nothing ever had happened.”
“But you are stuck in the room without someone to talk to. You must be really lonely.” He sounded different. I tilted my head, wondering why. “I mean…Dingo’s asleep half of the time, and Doctor Vel is normally off doing work.”
“I normally catch up on my sleep when I end up in a predicament like that.” I smiled. “But I would be more than happy to have you to talk to. We haven’t had much time to in a while.” He snuggled me, rubbing his head on my chest. “What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean? Everything’s fine.” Something about him seemed very wrong. He never was this touchy feely with me. Only Ivo was he so close. His eyes seemed stained with tears, as though he was crying none stop, but not like mine were when Dingo was attacked, but of a new born.
I patted his head. “You seem different. Did you and Ivo get into a fight or something?”
He shook his head. “No. I told you, I’m fine.” He had the tone of lying hidden in his voice. He nuzzled closer to me. I felt my heart race. “I just…I miss her, Sleet.”
I blinked. “Who, Snively?” He nuzzled harder, huffing from the sound of crying.
“I miss my Ma.”
I was frozen. He sounded like a young child, even younger then Coconuts. I wrapped my arms around him, and started to rock. I saw Ivo do this with his kids all the time; so Snively was no different. “It’s alright. I bet she is watching you right now. I don’t think she would want you being upset like this. She would want you happy.” He gasped for air. I kept my rock going, rubbing his back with my hand. My shadow, once again, resembled me being pregnant. “Everything will be fine.”
He nuzzled harder, reminding me of pups to their mother. He even felt as though he was hunting for milk to suckle. I felt myself blush. “It’s alright.”
My ear twitched from footsteps. I looked up, gentle, seeing Snively’s uncle. “He misses his mum,” I told him. “He must have been longing for someone to let it out.”
“It’s not the first time he did this.” His took Snively from my grip, and held him like he did with his three sons when they were born. He nuzzled up to his chest, whimpering like a new born child. “And it will not be the last. He was on his mother’s milk much longer then he normally should; being so small.” I blinked. I never was told Snively’s story; or Ivo’s for that matter. “She would let him suckle…even after she was fully dried up. His father would try to explain that it wasn’t wise to do that; but she let him. It was an outlet for him.”
I lifted my ears a bit. “What do you mean by that, Ivo?”
He sat down next to me. “Well, whenever someone has something troubling them, they normally do something that makes them feel better. Like, you would nuzzle someone, like Dingo or me; I would build something with my hands. Snively…he has a much different approach to this matter.” I saw that he was, indeed, trying to suckle Ivo. I blinked in confusion. He nodded, knowing I found his outlet. “It’s a mental problem. I normally hide in my room when it happens; he finds it embarrassing.”
I watched, trying to understand how it would relax him. It made me blush, just thinking about it. “But…why do you let it happen? Why not give him something like a bottle or something?”
“It’s not really the same.” He rubbed his hand on Snively’s head. He seemed so much like a new born now. “The sound of a heart beat is what I think it is; and his sucking…it must make him feel comfortable. He thinks…” He gave a simple, mother face. “He thinks I’m his mother.”
I blinked. Was Snively meaning…him? Did he miss Ivo, and not really his own mother, or did he miss both of them? He nuzzled closer. “So…you act as his mother?” Ivo nodded. “But, what happened to his father?”
Ivo shook his head. “I would rather not talk about his father. He wasn’t right in the head.” I didn’t quite understand him. “Well, it’s not that he didn’t love Snively; he did, a lot. And he still does. He just…he was always…mad.”
“Mad,” I blinked. “At what?”
“I never under really understood what. He never let it out on Snively, or Venus; which was my sister-in-law and Snively’s mother. He just...he isolated himself when Venus died…and gave Snively to me.”
I looked down at Snively. He was numb to the world, from what it looked like. He was snug in Ivo’s arms, suckling. “How do you…feel about him…?”
He looked down at his nephew, and smiled lightly. “I would do anything to make you guys happy, to feel safe, and to feel loved. This is no different. Sure, it feels a little odd; a male body is not build for a child to be milking off of.” He gently start to pet his nephew’s head. “But every time he needed this help, I gave it to him.” I could hear Ivo chuckle a little. “He isn’t getting anything, I will promise you that much.”
I heard a little hiccup from Snively. I smiled, lightly. “Say…why did they name him Snively?” It wasn’t a real name, was it? It sounded like a bad name.
“It was a nickname I gave him when he was little. He used to give off a cute little sniffle when I always came over to see him. He would always squeal when I would call him that.” He lowered his head. “Huh, Snively?” He wiggled, but continued to suckle Ivo’s shirt. “He’s mad that it’s the shirt.”
I thought of Ivo’s comment. “You mean…you really let him…SUCK on your?” He nodded. “And it doesn’t feel odd?”
“I never said that. It feels odd, yes, but I got used to it.” We were silent for a second. I watched as Snively tried so hard to get the milk he was never going to get. “His real name is Nester.” I looked up at Ivo, then back down at Snively. I smiled lightly, nuzzling up ageist Ivo. “You are such an amazing person, Ivo.” I closed my eyes.

Ivo got up, waking me from my light slumber. “I really need to get going. You need to see if your hubby is up.” Hubby? What did he mean by that? We were mates, we had no gender. “Or…are you the husband? I never really asked.”
I blinked, tilting my head in confusion. “We are just mates.”
Ivo smiled, kissing my forehead like he always did. “Well, to be perfectly honest; you are more female than male.” I gave him an angry look. “It’s not a bad thing. You just are more like a mother. Did you not see yourself with Snively just now? You really were going to let him suckle you, am I right?” I turned my head to Dingo’s door. I thought for a moment, for a long moment, slowly nodding as the thought came true in my head. He was right; I would have let him, without much second thought. “It’s not a bad thing. I’m more of the female, myself.”
He left the waiting room. I turned over, just as he closed the door. I was wide eyed, knowing now why Ivo was so motherly. Why he told me so many years ago that a woman would never have kids with him. Was he really in love with other guys, like Dingo was, and I became? I stud there as Doctor Vel came walking into the room. “What’s wrong?”
I turned to him. Now I didn’t know what to believe. “Are you gay?”
He was stunned, backing up from where he stud. “I…I don’t think so.” He looked around, and chuckled lightly. “I mean, I’m happy, yes…but I don’t think I love the same gender. Why do you ask, Sleet?”
I looked at the door Ivo left from. I didn’t know if he wanted people to know that he was. “You found out about Ivo’s hidden secret, then?”
I looked back at Vel, nodding. “So…he told you?”
“No, but to be honest; being a human like Ivo is; it’s bluntly obvious. And not how he dresses, or how he talks, but how he acts. He is, really, just a mother in a father’s body”
I nodded, understanding where he was coming from. Since day one, Ivo was always treating me like I was his son; acting like a real mother would to their child. He made it first priority that I got washed; that I got fat on my bones. When he was building his sons, he took just as long as a mother held her child in her womb, and even held them close to his breasts when they slept in his arms, and when they were, he had the eyes of a mother would have. He cooked, though that wasn’t just a mother thing, and he cleaned, especially during spring, as if he was an expecting wolf mother for the arrival of her new born pups. And when it grew time for Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts to arrive, he went on hyper drive to get the house clean. I also never heard him curse, though that wasn’t a mother thing, ether. It just, wasn’t truly lady like to curse. He found it rude, but normal. They were only words, but he didn’t find much use in saying them.
And now; it was just plain and simple. It wasn’t just Snively’s outlet for his depression of the loss of his mother; but Ivo longed for a child to suckle. I finally understood him. I looked back at Doctor Vel, taking a deep breath. “Has Ivo ever tried finding a way for males to have children?”
“He and I have been working on that.” I twitched my tail. Maybe Ivo will be able to have kids after all!
“But even if we found a way for males to hold a child; like woman do, he will never be able to birth one.”
I tilted my head again. “What do you mean?”
“Ivo…he’s been vasectomy.” I really didn’t understand what Doctor Vel meant. “He’s been fixed.”
“He…He’s been fixed?”
He nodded. “And he can’t have children because of how he did it. It’s hard to explain, but he knew it was going to happen, for a very long time. He started to build Decoe when he was told the news that, even if we found a way for males to have children, he would never be able to have them.”
The news changed my mood so quickly. I turned back to the door again. “But…why?”
“…I’ll let him explain his past to you. I don’t think he wants too many people knowing.” He patted him on the back. “Another reason I knew was because he, too, asked me if I was gay.”
I sighed, feeling horrible for Ivo. I found myself not sleeping that night, thinking on how it must have felt to Ivo that, even if a way for a child to be made in a male became possible; he still was never going to have one. Ivo seemed so happy all the time; never showing any signs of depression on his status. I wanted to ask him what had happened, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to relive his past, to tell me what happened. And he was willing to find a way for something he wanted to do, even if he couldn’t do it when it was found.
Doctor Vel placed a blanket around me, patting my back. “Don’t think about it, Sleet. It’ll make you feel worse. Ivo is fine, now. And when he finds you ready to understand; he’ll explain it to you.”
I closed my eyes as the sun started to crawl up the sky. I fell into a weak sleep.